In this episode, "Even in conflict, God is at work", Sylvia continues her conversation with Reverend Bern Merchant, Associate Superintendent of Ministry & Mission (Peacemaking & Welfare), exploring how Christians can faithfully navigate theological disagreement within the life of the Church.
As conversations around men and women in ministry continue within the PCNSW, this episode moves into some of the more practical and pastoral realities of conflict, reconciliation, and care. Together they discuss how church leaders can support those who are hurting in the midst of ongoing debates, how congregation members can continue loving and trusting leaders with whom they may disagree, and what it means to pursue peace without avoiding conviction.
The conversation also reflects on the emotional dynamics of disagreement, the challenge of resisting caricatures, and the importance of remembering of seeing one another as fellow saints, sufferers, and sinners in Christ.
When asked, "What are some signs that we’re no longer trying to love the other person, but simply trying to win?" Bern helpfully shared the list below. We've added it in the show notes for your reflection.
- Black-and-white thinking
- Using accusatory language
- Finding that we hate our brother or sister in our heart
- Rehearsing the conversation over and over again
- Gossiping or speaking poorly about the other person
- Being unable to envision a world where the resolution doesn’t go our way
- Forgetting to pray that God would be honoured, regardless of the outcome
- Neglecting to pray for the other person
- Not truly listening — only thinking about what we’re going to say next
- Rehearsing arguments
- Interrupting or cutting the other person off
- Making assumptions about the other person and their motives
- Failing to consider the relational fallout
- Using heated words, silence, or passive aggression
- Losing sight of the fact that this is someone to love, not a problem to overcome
Bern is happy to communicate about conflict coaching and peacemaker training with leaders and members in the PCNSW + ACT at bmerchant@mm.pcnsw.org.au